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THE CONGRESSIONAL TREE OF CHARACTERS
By Kat Gallant
Wanting to wish everyone a nice holiday whatever you chose to call it. For most everyone I know, it's as popular as the smell of non deodorized armpits. As we acknowledge another fantastic year of chaos under our belt, I was wondering what Congress is doing to celebrate.
With all the activity, I was thinking what might Santa put under the Congressional tree this year? Will the packages be colored red, blue and purple? Purple is for defecting Democrats Manchin and Sinema. What on earth will be inside all those boxes? Permission for an impeachment or two would be nice or how about a bill to close the border? Breaking news, there's no Santa and Amazon doesn't currently stock that. Well, maybe next year.
Perhaps the presents will come in big boxes with lots of paper stuffing only to find a little box inside. That's one of my favorite gifting tricks. But of course, there's a supply chain shortage. So,.. maybe nothing will be inside. Sort of fits with the theme.
Will Congress wait for Santa to come or will they cheat and open their gifts early? Nah, they never do early. No rush, they will probably pass a CR and open them when they get back at the first of the year.
Still, do any of them wonder what the prize might be inside their special package under the tree. It could be as great as new insider information about the stock market, That's the gift that keeps on giving. Just ask Nancy. It could change their life. But, there it sits under the tree, endlessly waiting, its cursor continuously blinking.
I hear McCarthy is getting a new pair of boxing gloves so he won't hurt his hand next time he decides to kidney punch an enemy.
Speaking of fighters, MTG, is getting a new pair of boots for Christmas since the old ones are worn out. Kicking ass in Congress comes with a price and she's had to pay for a lot of boots. Unfortunately, she's the only one wearing them. Everyone else is wearing sneakers.
What about AOC? What do you think she will be getting for Christmas? The Wizard of OZ says he will be sending her a brain.
Nice, but what does the rest of the squad get? Last I heard they will be candidates for Musk's exploratory rocket to Mars. I will personally donate to that!
What about Adam Schiff? What will he get? Oh, he already received some fairy dust that makes him disappear. Congressman Raskin took his place. Well what is Raskin getting? Santa determined that he was naughty, so... nothing.
Pelosi, who already has too much money, really doesn't need anything except implants and I'm not talking about her boobs.
The box with the biggest bow will be given to Speaker Mikee. He needs something special since the job ahead will be impossible. A magic wand, an AI shovel and a weed wacker would be a great gift. If he uses his imagination, these gifts might lead him to victory. A weed wacker to cut through the weeds, a shovel to get rid of the manure and a magic wand to get the bill through the Senate.
Let's not forget McConnell our favorite turtle. For him, it will be a gold watch and a little plaque of appreciation.
For Schumer, while making him wear a T shirt that says, “Proud to be Jewish” a ticket to Palestine.
Oh for heaven sakes, would you look at that! Where's the Secret Service? You guys need to stop your laughing and someone needs to go over there and pull Biden out from under the tree. By the way, put the tree back up. You know, for as many times as that man has fallen, I just have to shake my head and ask myself, 81 million votes, huh? Now he's shouting, “No Joke, sandbags,” and resolves to “ well anyway...” as he stumbles towards an exit.
Yeah, well anyway... Merry Merry Holiday. See you next year.
Love you guys!